(to the tune of “Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover” by Paul Simon)
The problem is here inside the gates, she said to me
The answer is easy if you just drive carefully
I’d like to help avoid an accident you see
There must be fifty ways to drive the mountains
She said it’s really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I am not saying you’re a hopeless driver, dude
But I’ll repeat myself, ‘cause sometimes you come off rude
There must be fifty ways to drive the mountains
Fifty ways to drive the mountains
(Chorus)
You just stay on your side, Clyde
Don’t cross the line, Ryan
Keep to your lane, Jane
And soon you will see
Take corners real slow, Joe
Watch out for deer, Greer,
Just stay alert, Bert
Your neighbors agree
Signal that turn, Fern
Put down the phone, Joan
Watch where you park, Mark
Just listen to me
No need for speed, Reed
Curvy roads need care, Cher
Little squirrels say thanks, Hank
A great neighbor you’ll be
She said it grieves me so to see you drive your car
Every time that you pull out I pray you are not going far
I said I’m sorry about that and would you please explain
About the fifty ways?
She said why don’t you take this driving book tonight?
And I hope that by morning you’ll stop giving folks a fright
She kept my license and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to drive the mountains
Fifty ways to drive the mountains
(Repeat Chorus)
